Timing is everything with relationships and that’s equally true with sex. But how good we are at tapping the pulse of the moment? Research has consistently shown that men tend to believe, women are more sexually interested in them than women actually are, whereas, women believe, men are less sexually interested than men actually are. Why’s there so much contrast in perceiving the sexual motives? What men want and what women want, when they think about sex?
“Our sexual behavior evolved over millennia and is encoded in our brains”
According to evolutionary psychology, our sexual behavior evolved over millennia and is encoded in our brains. Men and women, each has evolved their own mating strategies. Although, we aren’t doomed to act out these genetically wired programs but they do influence our sexual behavior.
An interesting study by David P. Schmitt on sex differences in the desire for sexual variety has suggested that men and women, both, show signs of being programmed to be monogamous in a certain way and promiscuous in a certain way. However, the main difference is in short-term mating strategies, or how men and women go about being promiscuous.
“Men are more likely to say “yes” to sex much more quickly than women”
Women and men, both, seem to be fully equipped for one-night stand and lifelong relationships but when they go for promiscuity, men focus on large numbers whereas women focus on quality. Men are more likely to say “yes” to sex much more quickly than women. On the other hand, women prefer to know and understand their potential partners significantly longer before indulging in sex.
“Women prefer to know and understand their potential sexual partners”
What could be the reason that evolution gave men a greater sex drive than women? Genetic logic suggests, going back thousands of generations, those males who were easily and frequently aroused and grabbed every opportunity for sex, produced more kids than those who weren’t. It can be said that evolution selected men for quick arousal and guaranteed orgasm.
Then why is this not true for women? Study by Masters and Johanson has suggested that although female arousal may facilitate conception but they don’t need arousal or orgasm to reproduce. To put it in evolutionary terms, sexual arousal in women was not as crucial for the survival of the species as it was in men. More to it, sexual encounter for women, whether they enjoyed it or not, came with a cost of pregnancy and child rearing responsibilities, for which they needed someone who could safeguard and ensure survival of the offspring. This made women to prefer men who were ready for long term commitment.
“Evolution has shaped men and women to perceive sex differently”
Thus we can safely assume that evolution has shaped men and women to perceive sex differently, that could well explain the contrast in perceiving and judging the sexual motives of each other. Inaccurate attribution of sexual interest may lead to some real problems, especially for men. A man approaching a woman, believing she is sexually interested, which might be due to his inaccurate perception, may get slapped with charges of sexual harassment or even sexual aggression or coercion.
Men’s tendency to overestimate women’s willingness to indulge in sex may stem from three sources, misinterpretation of women’s subtle courtship gestures, biased emphasis on unreliable indicators of sexual interest, and the possibility that men have more to lose by underestimating rather than overestimating women’s sexual interest.
Reading Between The Lines
Decoding subtle signals of women and converting it into a sexual opportunity is an art that men need to learn. Women often use nonverbal cues to convey their sexual interest in men such as eye contact, eyebrow flashing, open body posture, smiling, playing with hairs, etc.
“Women often use nonverbal cues to convey their sexual interest in men”
Studies suggest, women use more subtle sexual signals to perhaps avoid being tagged as promiscuous or they might be looking for more time to evaluate qualitative aspects of men or their potential interest into themselves. Because women tend to use more indirect approaches to signal their sexual interests, men who are more understanding and sensitive to these covert cues may have more successful dating outcomes.
Perceiving It Right
One of the most unreliable indicators of women’s sexual interest is their clothing that most men tend to misinterpret. Women may dress in sexier clothing just to make themselves feel more beautiful and desirable. Even if their clothing is meant to signal sexual interest, that may only be for attractive men or a man of their interest. Thus it would be wrong to conclude a woman sexually inviting just because of her sexy clothing or appearance.
“It would be wrong to conclude a woman ‘sexually inviting’ just because of her sexy appearance”
Furthermore, men are also prone to see women’s physical attractiveness as a sign of their sexual interest with an assumption that women, who are more attractive, are also more willing to have sex. However, reality is altogether different. Studies suggest, women’s physical attractiveness can’t be generalized with their sexual interest. In fact, women who are very attractive may even be less interested in sex with most men. Studies have shown that men, who focus more on women’s facial expression, instead of their looks and appearance, tend to be more successful at accurately perceiving women’s sexual interest.
She’ll Say Yes, if She Feels Loved
Evolutionarily, losing a mating opportunity has always been a costly affair for men as it compromised their chances of passing on their genes. This might explain men’s tendency to risk rejection due to the overperception of women’s sexual interest. Men who were more willing to initiate and approach women may have had more successful mating opportunities and thus, it would have helped evolve bias to overestimate women’s sexual interest. In fact, men’s attribution of sexual interest to women’s looks and appearance might be an evolved behavior in itself as missing a mating opportunity with an attractive woman (thus likely a fertile mate) would have been more costly than missing an opportunity with a less attractive woman.
“Instead of a purely physical pleasure, women look for an emotionally satisfying experience”
Women think differently when it comes to sex. Even if they are sexually interested they would rarely go for sex in a very first meeting with a man. A man should be able to read between the lines and must know the social etiquette of approaching and treating a woman. Women take more time to evaluate the prospects of a sexual relationship even if it’s just a one night stand. Instead of a purely physical pleasure, women look for an emotionally satisfying experience as their orgasm is connected more with their emotional arousal. Most women want to be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted and sometimes, just to be held. Women don’t want to play games to figure out if you are telling the truth, just be honest with them about the relationship.
Read More: How Perfumes Can Increase Your Sex Appeal
Disclaimer: The information on this page is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information for the diagnosis or treatment of men’s and women’s sexual health and general health conditions without consulting the doctor. While we review and promote nutrients, herbs, Ayurvedic medicines, and alternative therapies for men’s and women’s sexual health and general health conditions, you must consult an authorized physician before taking any of the products.
